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October 12, 2005

Comments

Neal Wobbe

This is a good post, what I like is that you give good topic sentences and stay on topic through the paragraphs. There are some areas that could use some improvement. It is hard to tell if there is a thesis. Next time maybe you could put your thesis in bold or underline it. Also you fail to mention the significance of the white house in the picture. Lastly your conclusion needs to incorporate your ideas into one paragraph, and close out what you were sayin. Besides this it was a very good post.

morgan hall

Your thesis lacks setting up an argument for your paper. Your blog is well written but you need to go into more detail and explain your map a little bit better. It is very clear. Your conclusion lacks suming up your ideas from your blog. oh

jroo46

You forgot to bold your thesis. I like how you added the picture in your post, it really helps to see what you're talking about. "convert" in the second paragraph isn't the right word to use, I think that transformation would be better. you said "native americans" then followed it up with "his" in the 3rd paragraph. just pay more attention to what you're writing, or proof read it. I liked your conclusion because it summed up everything you wanted to say.

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